This powerful tool we strangely refuse to use

I used to think that rational thought was the best tool to use to make decisions in life, big and small. I would stay awake for hours when big decisions had to be made, weighing all the pros and cons, anticipating the likely outcomes of every move, and estimating what move would bring about the biggest benefits.

Not now. I’m still a novice at this, but I’m experimenting with a different tool: intuition. Actually, I’m really enjoying the idea that I don’t have to spend hours plotting out all possible outcomes, rather just relax in what is now, and trust my intuition will guide me as and when needed. It is a total act of faith. Like driving out on a road when a car is coming with its indicator on, and trusting it will indeed turn and not crush into me when I pull out.

Actually, better than that, I feel like a secret agent who only gets her instructions on a need to know basis, with no clear idea of what the overall operation is, but knowing that some higher intelligence is at work and gives the best instructions possible.

From an experimental point of view, intuition is the tool that has served me best. The best outcomes have been those guided by intuition. Even when there’s been pain and hardship along the way, it has turned out there was a reason for those, and they were strong learning experiences.

The key to using this tool is that I need to FEEL, rather than THINK. That’s been a tricky one. It has meant un-programming myself from years of being told by school and society that reason is the supreme tool for living one’s life.

I do think reason has an important role to play, but it is in implementing goals, not in fixing them. If intuition is the rudder on a boat, reason is the sails that propel it forward. Allowing the sails to guide the boat could take you to some disastrous places.

Feeling allows me to take in a lot more than my rational mind can. It seems to tap into an intricate network of all the desires, wishes, fears of the people around me as well as my own, beyond any pretense or show they/I may put up, and work out what serves them/me best. It is not a verbal process, it can’t be articulated. It is a Knowing.

Actually, the more I give up on wanting particular outcomes, the more the feeling increases. And there’s a huge, beautiful landscape of feeling, right here, at my finger tips – grey feelings of sadness, yellow-dark grey feelings of grief, vibrant reds of life bursting, soft pink and ochres of tenderness, bright green and indigo blue of love and connection, etc-

The intuition comes as a deep quietness once the feelings have sorted themselves out, fought for attention, spent all their energy saying whatever they had to say. It can take months, or it can take seconds, the only thing that is certain is that they need to have their say, they need to to be able to burst into my life like a child needing attention, and I need to give them full attention, often making me  smile, or cry.

I’ve had to accept that odd feelings pop up at unexpected times. And just let them come in, always giving them a warm welcome, whatever they may be. They always leave too, none have overstayed their welcome. Some come back rather incessantly, but I have learned that if I let them in graciously, they leave graciously before I get really tired of them.

Coming back to intuition, my beloved husband, who claims to be a very rational person, quipped recently at me when I suggested he could slow down and appreciate the beauty around him “of course, you think you can just trust the universe to take care of everything”. Hah. That’s a big one: it’s OK for me to do my yoga, and play with thoughts of love and trust, when he’s working his socks off to make sure we’re provided for, and actually provides for not only our family of 6, but his family, my family, friends when needed, staff of projects he’s invested in. Indeed, it’s his incessant fear of the future and of the disasters that may happen (it’s just a matter of time, in his mind, before they do) that have motivated him to build an asset base to make him feel he and his loved ones are safe (a feeling of safety which of course always eludes him, no matter how big the asset base).

Maybe I should just be honest with myself and answer back “yes, the universe will take care”.

What if there is an incredible intelligence out there that is available for us to tap into?

Isn’t that what Jesus did when he retired in the desert for 40 days – trying to enter in communication with this higher intelligence?- Or was he working out all the moves he could chose to carry out in order to bring Love to the world, like a chess player, rationally working out outcomes, discarding those that would work well, and keeping that which was the most promising?

I would argue he was tapping into a higher intelligence.

Isn’t this the teaching of St John’s “Wedding in Cana”? Jesus reminds the organisers of the wedding that they need only trust, and God will provide.

We hear this parable often, at weddings, confirmations, and yet we don’t allow ourselves to trust.

Maybe because we are too attached to particular outcomes. “I need to have a husband who tells me I’m beautiful in order to feel good about myself”, “I need to have a job that guarantees me a monthly income before I can feel safe”, “I need to have a child to feel fulfilled”….

Maybe we can open ourselves to the possibility that these outcomes are insignificant compared to what a higher intelligence has in store for us.

Now for intuition and women.

WHY WAS I NEVER TOLD THAT MY INTUITION RISES THROUGH THE ROOF WHEN I HAVE MY PERIODS?

I was prescribed the pill when I first started needing contraception, I was put on a morena coil after I started having children, it releases hormones at small doses in the body, and when I finally took it out, my moods went haywire, it took a year for them to stabilize.

I have only just learned to appreciate, just when my periods are about to disappear, that those few days when I am in my “moon time” my body tells me to slow down and feels so much more strongly. Everything that is not quite right in my life feels so much more uncomfortable. Everything that is not aligned with who I am, with who my loved ones are, shouts out.

Isn’t this an amazing gift? To have a tool that tells me what needs addressing? It is not a time to make decisions, rather a time to tune in to this higher intelligence that says “this is right”, or “this is wrong”.

I recently learned from a Navajo lady that in her culture women in their moon time are honoured and respected for the deep insights they have then.

Do the medical bodies realise the damage that is done when they administer willy-nilly hormonal contraception to women, many for most of their lives?

Maybe because many doctors are men, they have no idea about the gifts of women’s complex hormonal cycles.

I feel there is a whole body of work to be researched on how women are attuned to life’s creative process, to their instincts to create life, nurture it, protect it. It’s in their physical make up. They create life (in all ways, not just having babies), and yet they have been led to believe their female attributes are inferior to men’s. Their moods irrelevant and dangerous.

I believe it is time to come back to a mode of functioning where we feel more, and allow ourselves to be more attuned to our environment. More in our hearts and bodies, less in our brains. We may then stop working so hard for things we don’t need, and realise everything we ever needed is right here already.