Woman power is not quite what I was told.

Women have never had it so good. For a few millennia women have usually been considered and treated as second- class citizens, their intelligence and sanity doubted, not considered capable of doing the “serous” stuff, like wars, producing (farm or industrial goods), not responsible and astute enough to own land and vote.

Now… they do it all, and have proven they can be as good at it as men. It all happened in one century, and women born now are lucky enough to be living this momentous era.

Women now occupy some of the top positions of power: Angela Merkel is head of state of Germany, the world’s 5th largest country by GDP. Madeleine Albright, Condoleezza Rice and Hillary Rodham Clinton were all three secretaries of state, responsible for America’s foreign policy (not without consequence for the rest of the world). Christine Lagarde is managing director of the IMF. Sheryl Sandberg is COO of Facebook. Ariana Huffington is the co-founder and chief editor of the Huffington Post. Marjorie Scardino was the first female chief executive of a FTSE 100 company when in 1997 she was appointed CEO of Pearson, the publishing group behind The Economist and the Financial Times, and tripled profits during her time, while also maintaining high standards of writing integrity. At 12 years old Malala Yousafzai braved the Taliban in the Pakistani valley of Swat, denouncing them for stopping girls from attending school through a blog on the BBC and a New York Times documentary, only to get shot in the head in 2012. She survived to become a  passionate advocate for women’s rights.  The list gets longer every day.

I received a good education, as good as if I was a boy, and most of my girlfriends from university earn as much, if not more, than their husbands. There is still a glass ceiling, and some men still resent this new element, people who can perform like men, but don’t quite react like them, and some women still don’t have the confidence to claim the positions they are capable of having and yet the trend is unmistakable and unstoppable.

But… do women really have it so good? I can’t help noticing women around me are tired. Working women have a career, and very often a family to look after, whether it’s children, or parents, or other people in their community. Also, a woman often needs to be twice as good as her male counterpart in order to prove herself. Ask a woman how she is, it’s highly likely she’ll include “tired”.

I didn’t pursue a time-consuming career, I ran several projects which gave me lots of satisfaction, but which also allowed me lots of time with the family. And I’ve had this niggling voice inside me saying “why did you have such a good education if it’s only to bring up children?”. “All this talent wasted, you are disowning all that the feminists have fought for”. And of course, there’s that moment at dinner parties when I get asked “so what do you do?”, and as I don’t have a paid job – though I’m busy with very different things – I answer “I look after my children”, as if that was the most boring thing I could ever say, when I could be a journalist, a manager, someone with responsibilities, and status…. and all the stuff that gives you respect in society.

And yet I know it feels right being a mum, having the time to be attuned to my family so I can tweak all the little things in their lives to make sure they have the right environment to grow and become outside the great people they are inside.

To say nothing of the sheer pleasure of having children. I loved breast feeding my daughters, those were among those very special moments in my life when I felt deeply connected and complete. And I feel grateful I could do it, not every mother finds breast-feeding that straight forward. Yet I can’t help noticing bearing and feeding children is sometimes considered as some bovine animal function which is a bit under our standing as humans. The more recent trend to encourage breastfeeding has reversed this a bit (and put pressure the other way), but there’s still a current of thought that “frankly periods, pregnancy and breastfeeding are rather a chore. Give me the child when he or she is 2 years old, out of nappies, and I’ll be much happier.”

I was attending a kundalini yoga teacher training workshop last week, the theme was male and female energies and roles, and the teachings from Yogi Bhajan have really resonated with me. Incidentally, we were told John Gray, author of the best seller “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”, has been inspired by Yogi Bhajan. A quick internet search shows Gray was a student of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who brought transcendental meditation to the West, so it’s quite possible he also studied under Yogi Bhajan.

Yogi Bhajan’s teachings are the following: men’s energy is penetrative and focused; men go on quests, killing dragons, fighting wars, bringing home the bacon. A woman’s energy meanwhile is open, intuitive, creative and vulnerable. The man’s role with his woman is to provide a protective environment so she can do her job of creating life and beautiful environments. No amount of material comfort can provide that environment. It’s about reassuring the woman that she’s beautiful (women need constant reassurance), and is appreciated and loved. The woman’s role with her man is to reflect back to him his greatness, like a moon shines back to the sun its brilliance. A man is inspired by a woman, and a woman will give him purpose, will inspire him, be his muse. A woman’s purpose is to serve – her husband, her children and community.

I can guess all the feminists cringe when they hear this but after two decades of seeing women in work environments, I have to say I find they often devote themselves to their work with the same dedication to the common good as to their families, even if the avowed purpose is to earn more money etc.

And… yes! Please allow me to be vulnerable. After 28 years of adult life trying to be always strong, I’m so very, very tired. It’s been asked many times: “What is men’s role now that women do their jobs?” Well, quite simply, making them feel safe and treasured. Of course, that requires women who appreciate it’s OK to be vulnerable and open, who don’t try to be men, which is what society is really teaching women at the moment. I admit I was one of those women who resented having the door kept open for them because “I’m not weak, I don’t need special treatment, thank you”. Now, I want the door held open, flowers, kind words… all those things that reassure me that I’m OK, because gosh, I’m so insecure, and need constant reassurance.

Women in business adopt graver voices, male attitudes, they even have higher levels of testosterone. Girls when they go out with friends sometimes have laddish attitudes, show they can get drunk like the guys, and can have sex like the guys. By wanting to be treated as equals, women have tried to be like men.

No!!! We’re beautiful as we are – creative, intuitive, open and vulnerable-. We are like Mother Earth, She gives and gives, and goes through cycles, and needs rests, and always finds the energy to do a bit more, even when she’s not treated well. Like Mother Earth, we produce miracles of creation (whether it be children or environments), and also get tired when we’re worked too much without rest. I know women who schedule in to do less when they have their periods, because they know they’ll have a slump in energy. That’s OK, that’s a time when a woman needs to turn inside, is at her most intuitive, and will feel most what needs to be re-aligned in her life, and what areas of her life need attention.

I’m not promoting a lifestyle where women stay at home and men go out working. It wouldn’t be materially possible. For all our affluence, rare are the households that can survive with just one person working.

But neither would it be desirable. For one, I feel women are changing the work environment for the better. Bringing more intuition, more team work, more attention to the growth of every team member. There’s maybe less ego than with men. Yet male energy is amazing in its focus and power. Women can be proud of being women, and men can appreciate the women-ess in us. Yes, we change all the time (but if it’s daunting for men, imagine how it feels from the inside, for a woman – we have no clue what mood we’ll be in from one day to the next) – I have found that I can be aware of my moods and still function more than needed. I might need to rest a bit more, or have a good cry, or on the contrary go for a run to expend excess stress, but there’s usually nothing that can stop me from doing what I need to do when I need to do it.

But also, women are so much more than mothers and wives, and need to go out and do what they have to do to become themselves fully. It needn’t be threatening to men – if women shine, there’s more light for everyone, that can only be good-.

It’s heartening that women in positions of power are sending a softer message to modern women. Sheryl Sandberg and Ariana Huffington have both written books advocating more compassion, and time out to reconnect with one’s intuition. Marathon runner Paula Radcliffe came first at the New York marathon in 2008, less than a year after having a child – women can perform while also be mothers-.

Also, men have some female energy (they have intuition, are creative, nurturing…), and women have male energy (they can be incredibly focused and productive), but I think it’s worth being aware that there are differences, and these differences should be celebrated, not denigrated.

I dream of a society where women are powerful yet can also be vulnerable and open. Where they’re treated with respect, and they have self-respect and self-belief. Where men know they need to throw a protective coat of attention around their women, when they’re not off on their quests. Where women have managed to shake off the resentment of centuries of oppression and denigration and show true admiration for their men. Where the work environment accommodates for a woman’s different rhythms and gives her the flexibility to be there for her family when she needs it. And where womanhood is as respected and appreciated as traditional societies treasured and respected Mother Earth for her bounties.